Change

Just when I think things are all planned out, God has a way of changing all up on me! In the last month our life has gone from getting ready to work back at Ponderosa for the summer and that was about all, to getting offered a permanent position as the church secretary, finding a new place to live and then, of course, moving, and to top it all off, becoming the new, though maybe just temporary, worship leader at church! 

    I think the worship leader has been the hardest change. It's the one I felt the most led into. I really feel like God put it on my heart to step into the position and yet I think I feel more uncertain of what I'm doing and more insecure each week. I thought it was going to get easier as time went on, not harder! I guess just because God has called us to something that doesn't mean it's going to be easy for us, though. I need to remember that if God asked me to do it that I will be able to do it, but that doesn't mean it will always be perfect, or that I won't have to consistently be crying out to Him for help!

It kind of overwhelms me at times to realize just what an important task it is before us, as a worship team, each Sunday - to prepare (to the best of our ability) a whole congregation for worship and to lead them in praising the Lord. Not something to be taken lightly!

       It's frustrating to, cause I thought the actually music part of it would be easy, or at least easier, but it seems to be tripping me up right along with everything else. Leading and being in charge are not my strong points, so I can know exactly what I want it sound like, but I don't know how to convey that to the team and be definitive in what I want. And there is also the aspect of learning what people's limitations and skills are as musicians. I forget that not everyone can learn something on the spot or just hear it and figure it out (and yet I would get frustrated when people did that to me!). But I still want things to sound good. And then there's the whole fact that leading a song is SO much different than just singing a song! I thought I had a pretty good grasp on most all the songs we sing a church, but it's a whole different story when you are the who has to make the call when to come in and start singing and you have a whole team, a whole congregation, watching and following your lead! No pressure there! But despite all I may have to say right now, it really is going pretty well. I knew I would feel inadequate, I just hadn't realized quite how inadequate I would feel! But like I said I simply need to use it as a constant reminder to run to the Father and seek his wisdom and guidance.

       A friend prayed for me a couple weeks ago regarding the situation and at the time I wasn't quite sure I liked it, but the more I think about it the more I like it and see the wisdom in it. He prayed that "I would be just scared enough to remember how important it is, but not so scared that it felt impossible."